ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so PISSED! damn.....have total of 5 missed calls today loh..i itnk its frm him..darling..i miss u SO much...FreAK man.....everytime is either having lessons or not at the spot...shiT...total SHIT! ARH! i hate toDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can;t hear ur voice..its just as bad as it can get...i'm crying out frm within.
i miss u so much..everything i see today reminds me of u...aRGH. usually when i take the bus...all i cld see is u...today however...i'm staring desolatedly out side the wondow..watching the scenery passing me by...dreary.
whole body aching...sunburnt...red faced...sighx.
think i played quite ok yest...dun like the J1 rugby guy...so flirty. shit
dunno. life's stupid.

HELLO!!!!! :)

"CURSE ME! CURSE ME! CURSE ME!" lolx


hehee....like mr ho..he damn cute today lAR..lolx...hahahaha...so funy..CURSE HIM!...lolx..no laR>..think he really trying to wei wo men hao loh..so..YA..ahhaha=xsigh..hols cum back for lessons..so shit...but nvm...got excuse to go out...esp those lessons tt occur in the moRning!!..hahaha..after tt can toutou go out..hehehe*winkX

hai..my mum allow the claz to cum house for sum outing thingy...think my house no entertainment n stuff...so BORING!! haahha.no mahjong summore..*hands itchy*..hahah..and..yaR..no one will wanna go swim loh..coz so many pple will b there...girls in the claz quite shy de laR...hmm..think the only thing i dun like abt the claz is that..no...guts lah..hai..its like.if teacher ask qn...i mean..if u DID IT...u NOE IT...even if its wrong..answer lahhhh...betteer than silence...u noe when there's silence....u only can hear...sum yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii sound...i hate it..its my phobia..hahah...really..i get really freaked out..hahha=P...oh..coming back to subject...SPRING CLEANING!!!!!!!!! hmm..izzit spring now in spore? hahaha..dunnno..sumtimes see my house outside have a lot of fallen leaves..think its really cool loh..esp u noe those kind of western ctys...the leaves cover the whoLE FLOOR!!!!!...i wanna juz fall backwards into a pile of leaves..hahahah!!!...mayb i juz go outside during spore' "AUTUMN"....collect a lot a lot a lot a lot of leaves...and put it in a BIGGGG heap..how bout tt? ahahhaha..think i crapping a lot today..WHEEe...:p hmm..wads with me n grass n leaves..sighx..i'm such a nature lover...ahhahaha!!!!....usually..these pple..*ahEm..hahah,,..u NOE....HHAHAHA...sensitive.......erm erm..haha..those hu noe me noe wad i wanna say le..loLX=P sigh..how thick skin can i get=x

hmm..hao xiang ta wor..hahaha...haix..only short instances when i can spend time with him..hai...wad a life..lolx...well..it ain't even a life without u darlinG!!! hahaha..die lar..so rou ma~..lolx hmph..u even more rouma lah..hahahah! =D...hmm..quite worried for his op...so scary.....sighx...and i miSS U!...sigh..y u going taiwan..ahahha...NONO reuniTE!...hahaha..my darling got ming sing face..cannot help it rite...shuai!..AHAHHA=P crazy fish bleah..i bias lahhh..ahahah=D

hmm..think sumone really hounlian pi can...think got pple waiting for her..when in FACT...think the persondun even noe she EXISTS...chey..and she have the gall to think of...haiyah..dunnoe...think...sumtimes infatuations really can make u go do the damnest things..reallY! hahaa..i was crazy over pple once...and i mean crazy!...every word coming out of my mouth practically contained his name...everyone in the sec sch noe i like the person lohx..ahahha!..blEAh..well now..past le..haha..he's terriblE to me now..ahha..cherryn noes it too=X he is HISTORY...wheeee...now sumone else is my FuTURE..AHAHHA..lets see how it goes lah...dun wanna have too high hopes..yea~

BOOBOO............today feel stupid during econs..hai...dunnoe a lot fo stuff...gotta revise yr 1 work le...die le LARRRRRRR...think muz start yr 1 le loR...hai...really leh..my senior start in APRI!L!!! now is like...going to end may LE!!!! aRHHHHHH......shit

hahahahahahahaha...happy bdae andrew..u pebbles....cut dwn the ego..u'll b a great guy..and now...juz forget it lah..hahaha..ur ego needs a few yrs of hacking...yah..juz like the tremendous n dangerous cornfield in "king of the Castle"..lol~

haiyah..think i write too much le..my words lagging also as i type...WHEEEE...technology is crushing our intelligence...i love every minute of dying..AHAHA=D

heyhey~~~
had a really great time with u once again..=D though so short...yet so much feelings zooming across us..:) wheee....love is juz...inexplicable..hahahax=x
today quite bad day...hai..1st woke up late...mumbled sumthing to my darling n dunnoe...mum spilled nestum over my notes...tests sure do badly le...then training blurblur..hai...no focused i guess...really v pressurizing lohX...haha=p
BADBADBAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wad a wonderful day~~...
hahax...still breathing rite..hahahx..=)
hmm..oh yah...today also went to eat xiao wan mian with cherryN!!!! WHEEE....so fun ahahaha...gossipgossip[ also....really v fun lohx...its like...we spend so much time trying to plan for this day..zhong yu dao lE!!!..hahah..love u cherryn...dunnoe wad i'll do without u..lost i guess.hahah=) u noe me too well..ahhaha..
ps: i love ur home.>SO YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEEE...hahahaa.i love yellow...wonder hu made up that chant."yellowyellow dirty fellow"...1stly...make no sense...how cum yellow is dirty...all chinese are yellow...are we dirty then? 2ndly...dirty means....DIRTY...WE are not DIRTY!...besides the bacteria constantly on n in our bodies..dun see y we are dirty...most IMPORTANTLY!!!....YELLOW...is a WOONdeeful COLOUR!!!..hehehehe...*muachx..love those hu love yellow..hahahahaa....yeaH!...actualy i also like rainbow..well..depends ba~..hahhaa=D
can;t wait to go shopping..gotta shop for a slingbag 1st...hai..moneymoneymoney...uGH!
hOHOHO...hmm,.,think a lot of pple cannot stand him leh...wanna sit on him le..ahahha..wad.."i dun wanna spoonfeed u all...going against the principle of my teaching..".."book my time.."..."u all are going to sit for the A levels...the examinaRS.....in UK...blahblah.." "LEGAL TANTER!"....LOL...haiyah..he siao one loh..though v nice..sumone hu used to watch.."XIAOTIANTIAN AND XIAO QING WA" SHOWS...lolx..in the past lah..so funny~~~~~...
hahaha...me n darling tok abt TOUFU TODAY!!!!!!!!! hahhahahaha...squeeze becum look like sumone..hahahaha..hmm..that person tt day..the bra a bit weird shape aRh...she need a bra therapist...hmm...or plastic surgery..
hehee..haix..so boRed...i juz drank..erm..half a cup of red wine...wheeeeHEHEHE..hahaha..siao diao..no lah..it doesn;t really affect one's behavious i tink..not mine lah..

today....a jumbled up feelings day....=D but happy overall i guess....spent so much time with HIM!..haaha..though..erm.erm...lolx...=p
lalalalala....i love JJ water...dunch u?? lolx...ALL the minerals in it man..haha..all other mineral water is BADDDDDDD...and pple in JJ...lets form a gay culturE!! wheee....ahhaha...sianz....hmm..lemme tok bout today!!!
hahahax....hmm...so many emotions felt today..crazy ones..sweet ones....had risks today...movie sucked...but great company! lol...got caught...paiseh....so many things! and so loved...hahahaa....sighx...darling..such an eventful day when we had a heart to heart talk up there...great view...hahahx...so fun~=) thanks for everything darling...guess glances really create a lifetime for us huh~..hehehe...i love u:)
sighx..A levels coming...so wishing that time will come to a standstill...shucks...hwk dawning on everyone..haix...juz gotta do it ba..sighing wun do anything..*sighx....but...well...*sighx....i can't help but sigh when i tink abt the As...lolx...*sighx...
joleyn...hahaha...she's a racket...*smack*...ha....=P haix..dunno wad is she thinking laR...wonder how she stand the teasing also..hahaha..poor thing..yeAH~
this sat have CIp at queenstwn library...hahaha...gonna b a proper librarian!!!!!!! *push up specs*...hehe...i am nerd ok....so guai n gentle n kind n knowledgeable..and pure n innocent and a good girl kind of person..HEHEHEHEH....my darling prob thinks otherwise worxx....hahahahx=O
paiseh.
miss u...
wad shld i get for my mum sia....hai...choices choices.....money money....chilhood...read sumthing bout it today...so true u noe...we're classified into categories frm young...and expected to follow a particular behaviour...standards...fake society...fake life...sumimes such things depress u...tt u're formed by a system..and breeaking free frm it makes u a REBEL....or...a JUVEniLE...wad crap...ha...no wonder pple commit suicide huh...wheeeeeeeee....flying thru the air...not thinking...sudden lurch of the stomach juices...and u can't help but squeeze ur eyes shut..so tight and all u're hearing is the wheezing sounds in ur ear and before u start wondering when u're going reach the ground...*SPLAT. the source of ur thoughts get spread over the ground. hehee
morbid sia..hahhaa..
hmm..mayb after that..u will feel bliss...flying..mayb u'll never stop flying...

wheee....
i am BOREd.
haha...and this is the 1st entry after dunno how many million decades.
BOO.
i love u=)
i miss u.
thanks for everything darling.
sunfloweR!!!! happy...laughs with glee*
juz the sight of u makes my heart fill with joy.
jiayou darling...so happy to be able to see u every morning. sighx..*touched.
HAPPY birthday cherryn!!!! hehee..u've been the BESTEST fren...sighx...great 2 yrs spent together in the same claz....with u always been there for me...thank u darling=) dunno what i'll do without u..yep..wanna be the one to hold ur hand when u grow old..dunch u worry!!=D crazy gal....hu goes into weird fits...ahhaha..and love brown n orange and polka DOTSS!!! and love me n peipei!!!..lolx....delta too!!!...hahahax...really great to have memories spent with u...=) happy birthday once again!! :)
i miss u...hahaa....always there to cheer me up...today michelle woo told me tt usually couples have their big obstacle faced i their 8th month...wad do u tink abt us? well..i hope not...hahaa...=) coz i really do cherish U!!...dun wann lose u though...heeee i love yEWWWWW=D
hehe mad liaox....hmm..my bro..,hahaha..he n his gf...dunno lah...lie on the bed n take pictures...dunno them lah...he better not corrupt her n hai ta cannot concentrate on A levels aR...ahhax...dunno lAH..=)
studies...hai...worried as usual....so many duties..hahaahx...failing as geog rep le..ahha..never do hwk sia~~~=P yeah....then my gp got 33 today!!! so happy=)...getting praise from mrs razal is really the ultimate sia..hahaha..=D tyco lah i tink this time...juz hope tis pen luck will continUE!!! wheee...and of coz...thanks to mich...sin en n darling for the inspiration tt u all have givin me for the essaY!!! hahahax...hmm..33 to my mum is v little...but think she was quite pleased when she heard it ba..although she said.."aiyoh..so low"...HAhaha...dunno la=)
touch...sigh...dunno..see how ba...
i love u babY!!!=D always missing u...heex...u make me happy...u make me smile..most important of all..u make me wanna b a better person!!=) i love you.

HEHE...FINALLY! an entry...hahahaha
hmm.later going to love fiesta...but better finish up sum maths...or mr leow will ask me go eat shit...lolx...
sighx...hahhaa..though i quite happy...but as i think of the other things that made me v sad this week...my spirit juz got a bit drenched...
depression....y do pple fall into it...is it a weak character..or is everything that they have really seem hopeless...and the only way out..is really death......
actually..its really easy..i once felt it...u feel...so hopeless...no friends...family...heck...sch work...like shit...staring below...so easy...juz fall...acute pain...and darkness....blackness...peaceful..escape..no more pain.....no one had ever cared for u anyway...
wads the meaning of life anyway? just for the sake of living...struggling..learning...suffering.. happiness comes once in a blue moon...true?
not say i'm an optimist lah..hahhaa..but i believe...happiness comes in many forms...so many pple fighting...so many pple struggling for a better life..to find this happiness sumwhere...
just go outside in the morning..when dawn is breaking...sumtimes when i;m walking to sch...looking up the sky make me feel peace at heart...the sky is so beautiful...hahahaa...ok..now i sound weird..nVM! hahahahhaa=P
for me..though i'm kind of struggling in touch rug.....sch work...none any better...family...going to be in shreds soon...but...it is cowardly and selfish for me to give up...i have sumbody hu cares for me...y hurt urself when u're going to hurt the person u love? stRIVE ON! yEAH! hahaha...when a door closes...a window opens...but dun jump out hor..hahahaa=P ok..lame...but really...there's always hope...there's always sumone hu cares...

helo...once again...so sian sia...siGhx...sch..uGh..i dunno wad adjective to describe it...really..hahaha..miss uwa.

hmm..being a worrying person these days...worry abt geog..then abt clazmates...touch...then noticeboard...wonder WHEN izzit going to BE doNEE....yah...ok..

oh ya...i surprised myself on tuesday..i actually scored 2 trys..hahha...yeah..was REALLy reALLY happy for the 1st time..i suddenly felt enlightened..u noe..i dunno how to describe that feeling..ya...the pride and joy u feel when u put down the ball at the try line..inexplicable. really..trust me..sigh.. seem to lose that enlightenment again..wahahah!! yeah...think gotta work harder still..the rest of the team was probably tired tt day...or sumthing...hahaha..duno.

tomorrow..or rather today..later in the morn..coach gonna choose da team...1stly..i wan to get in...2ndly..i'm afraid that i cannot cope..n mum will complain and force me to quit..i really dun wan that to happen..ya..i see the team like sort of geling now...quite happy actually=) today 1st time its like..own initiated part of the team go drink bubble tea..yah..really priceless to have these kind of moments=)

hai...one big prob of worry...is u..too...ur leg..my heart sank low on tues..when i saw u limping at the side of the field..yar...sigh..helpless then. yeap..=) can hardly spend time with u...but all my happiness was re lived and abundant when we were finally able to go home together...yeah..was quite happy..yepyep..how i wish the distractions were not there..hahaha..yeah..=) hope we cld spend more time together in coming weeks....months...this is only 2nd week...and...we've been together for 2 days only...=( haix...gotta ren...yep..wat can;t we go tru together? =D

i dun like febuary really...its a month...when my pockets is going to be burnt...raging fires happening in that area...money going to b gone...starting to save now..hahaha.

oh ya..today quite pissed..ur msg made me happy btw..haha..so funnny...hehehe=P yeah...i dun like pple hu push all things to mE...ARGH! do u noe the feeling...its like...this is a teamwork...then u push the ting to me..then u do other things..wads ur problem man..i give u do..u do shit out of it...then u give up n do ur stuff...then i take over due to exasperation...u give me a look like i'm too bossy and i shld go bug off....and the comments u give me juz so reek of sarcasm....i was SOOOO anGRY!....i wanted to shout @ them...GET A LIFE!...u noe wad they were doing?....toking abt xin shi...ugh.plS...I DID most of it..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....ok..shldn';t get so worked up...wad for...sigh...yah...juz faster get this over n done with...last yr like that.this yr also same thing happening...nvm...=)

sumtimes think i too ...nvm nvm nvm nvm...i shld fight back sum day...yah..sum day...no one made me that angry yet...but i hate to b angry...coz when i shout at the person..i'll scream a few words...then i will sort of start crying...hell. hahaa..dunno. sort of suck everything back in...thats my character...

andrew intro a quote to me today...it actually depends on how u intepret it...i tink his is wrong..really..hahha..
" means introduced will colour the ends attained"...erm...actually dunnno whether i got it rite...ahhaha!...i forgot le...sumthing like that lah...ya..

.but i like this quote...but dunno y...everyone whom i told it to juz look at me blankly and say..er..so?
" I worshipped dead men for their strengths...and forgot I was strong..."

issn't it v meaningful? it was like a WHOA to me when i 1st saw it...thsi kind of thing is like rampant in the world now...its so inspirational...everyone has the potential...the strength within them..yet they dun look inside themselves to find it and use it..instead..they keep looking up unto others...admiring and idolising..yeah..iZZn't ti NICE????????????????? hahahha..dunno...everyone has their own preferences=) yeah..that wad makes us so special...oh yah..one more tot of the day...

" indeed puniness----as human beings"

oh ya...dun think going to have lots of time to blog...well..tata...wish me luck in everything...love everyone arnd the world..hope the tsunami pple are alright...actually...my problems are relatively small compared to wad they are facing...ahhaa...wad irony. well..*muachx.

sigh.
juz had a bacardi...haha..dun get me wrong..i'm not depressed or anything..=) juz...a bit on the determined side..and irritated side...ARGH!
yah...parents nagging DAY n NIGHT....NO peace...really...no joke abt that... "i expect u to get gd results....NO rugby if u dun...blah blah blah..ur econs..maths easy to score..this is an impt yr..da da dee...dada dA....and THEY expect a B B C.....ahhhhhhhhhh!" no the last part was me...yah..yest night was the worst...they scolded me in the car...i cried silently at the back..no one noes...well.. wad to do...ridiculous...watEver...went to slp early..ha
sigh...shall try harder then...juz that...i feel so bad...i can't spend much time with my frens..in rugby..and esp with u dear....sighx. i feel trapped...do u noe how a bird in a cage feels? yah..beat that.
was quite sad actually this morn...my dad yadadee in the car...(yet again)....as he was sending me to touch training...."u WUN die if u miss a training...SO wat if u miss..are u in the national teAM?" uGH..was so pissed off...ya...but didn't wan to argue with him...such a wet n dreary morn..nothing cld b worse...hahah...yeah..but training was goOD! heee...quite fun ....though got scolded by coach really fierce at one pt.....well..its my fault...gotta improve that area...sigh... think touch is really fun=) yepyep
well...today not a really that bad day=) sorry for not going for lunch with u...my legs are in chains...yah...haix... well...on the positive side...i cld cherish the moments i have with u eveN morE....and cherish every bit of u...=)
dun worry...its juz a dream..i love u...and nothing wld happen to me=) with ur encouragement and love..not even a car accident cld bring me down=) *huGZ
hmm...heard that my cadets...i mean eX-cadets' performance was splendid...so darn happy for them...really do...i cried coz my dad didn;t allow me to go too..shit loh...nvm... i noe they cld do it anyway...they had the potential=) sigh...the mention of ncc do give me a twinge of nostalgia...so glad that they are bringing the unit to greater heights...i'm so proud of them=) yeah...hee....love u all!...yep
now the nights are getting shorter..the days longer...the body weaker...the mind stronger...dun ever give up...u'll go somewhere with effort...esp with u alongside with me..i'll get to tat pointer.
i love you.

i'm lost.

how cum a new yr turn out this way....last yr's new yr was bad too....sighx..i'm worried.

was softly playing with pootpoot along the corridor...then heard my mum crying bitterly in her room...i duno y...i wonder y...she came out saw me..immediately close the door...then went to the toilet...clean up.and came out again...she refuse to say anything...took a cup of whisky...and lock herself in the room.

helpless.

i wonder wat happened...wad kind of a daughter am i...i can't even comfort my mum...she dun even wanna let me in...

did my dad make her angry?

did my bro's comments hurt her now? when she is all alone and she starts thinking back?

is it me?

i feel so lost...gonna start crying soon. wads the use anyway...tears...uGH...