One whole month of slacking. With the blurring of the days and nights..enmeshed and warping into each other.. sleeping at 530am.. waking up at 2/3pm. Can't wait for the results to be out, on 22nd, so as to wake me up from my dreaming.

What a semester I must say. Reflecting upon it, I made many friends...was in a whole lot of shit and hell to go through because of 4207. Clubbing frequency increased exponentially (muahahha coz of the late nights I had to always spend in school, my mum got used to me coming home late..well, sort of)

It is still jarring till now, of how I have to file for graduation very very soon. FILE FOR GRADUATION. can you believe it. After so many years of just plodding along and flowing along with the time, just trying to make it to honours year, it's finally coming to an end, and it's again a start onto a new phase of my life. Not yet, but very soon. Work, job hunting and trying to adapt to a new environment again. My dad is most probably going to shift to shanghai to stay for work purposes. Not sure whether my mum will go over to work there as well. I sure hell won't go there, Nor work there. Just gonna stay at this same house with my lovely pootpoot. =D=D SIGH. stuck alone with his pee and shit. Not a very pleasant future to envision. hahahah~

Mag and Jason Ng

Been hanging out with mag most of the time this semester. Have a feeling that this will continue next semester as well, coz we're gonna take like almost all same mods. except health com, which I have taken before~

OEI u two. faster hitch up leh. muahahaha he's really too good to be true for u. lolx

SEE! how sweet u two look together. heeee~

As for me...

Still with darling babY~=)

As for my birthday, loved the birthday surpriseS... teehee! *hugs everyone*!

Thanks Candy for the present (above) too! :)

So happy for you..regarding the fashion designer internship. Must read up more and JIAYOU!! hee~

new dress. my mum said, "So kiddish. U think u small girl ah." -_-''|



Glad to have baby by my side... relationships are really not just all about being clingy and stars, spangles, fireworks and going out all the time. Guess sometimes its just being there for each other, encouraging, supporting and having the same plans for a somewhat common future..We both are very different, in terms of mannerism...

....speaking to other people, being streetsmart and everything else.

but just dunno why also, we just click.

Sometimes I wonder whether its just accepting and giving in to what the other lack and taking them for just simply who they are, the person we spent so much time with and love. And perhaps in the future, it may similarly become the very problem that could become an excuse to break up and point at, blaming it all on incompatability and dissipated love.



but nontheless, if we don't give a go at it, if we don't fight for this chance of being happy and being in love with a partner who seems to be the one, we will surely regret next time, and miss those opportunities that just slip past our very nose.

So.. Happy anniversary baby. 5 years 3 months and counting. :)

~lovelove~


by the way baby...next time i want to collect colourful cups..like this k!


hahah!!!! TOOBAD. LOLx~


and just today Starhub sent me an SMS to inform me that my phone is ready for recontract. So should i.....



CHANGE TO AN iPHONE????!!!!
Eeek!!!!! still thinking..


As for my life and thinking..am still lost, gonna gear up soon..for next semester and whatever that's gonna head my way. Do hate my life. But still mine to keep in any case. Problems not solved within my heart and in my life, yet this is MY way of coping and do not blame me for hiding away and shirking from alot of things.

The purpose of life is still shrouded in mystery, but guess the sun rises everyday still. Perservere and perhaps one day I shall see the answer. Shall just ride along the waves of socialization and societal pressures. Till my next blog about the Art Museum which was really really nice..


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! :)

sigh. soo bored.

aimless in life, just grasping at straws... living without reason...without meaning.

Who do i live for. myself? what for.

He asked me, what do i like. What would i like to do after i grad? i will start work soon..

so what, i said.

get good results.

so what, i asked.

i just said a matter of factly, get good results, so what. get good job, so what. in the end, we'll just become dust.

Indeed, What is the purpose. What is life? To help others and be helped? To make others happy so that we will be happY? So what. IS THAT THE ONLY FUCKING REASON i am surviving in this world? Are we just striving to be happy and be at peace? for what reason. To die peacefully and gain peace within oneself? FOR FUCKING WHAT?

the best way to live a lie is to lie to urself and believe it. This applies to everything, all religions, manipulation, governance.

i dun believe anything. i dun believe in myself. i dun believe.

what am i.

Was feeling really really sad last night. more so angry actually, than sad.

Wanted to blog something, but even blogger fucked up on me. SO oh well.

If given a chance, and if clubbing was free, drinks were free, i will go clubbing every single fucking night to get away all of this.

Loud music to drown everything out

The presence of people who are there for the sake of getting something they can't get, feeling good when in true fact, may not.

So sick of it. So sick of it yesterday.

and u asked me why i was so moody.

Ask urself.

Being so concerned about B.

Conflicting emotions within me. A May not be good in every single way, but maybe.. he does strive in other aspects? Or just trying to grasp at false hopes.. straws.. to attempt making peace?

What the fuck. What mockery.

Eh what the hell. How come blogspot does not even give me an option to subject one of my posts to secrecy and password protection? aRGH.

I seem fine these days. Finer to the point I can actually endure the presence of A. Betrayed to the point and confused with all the thin lines in between, I just choose to push it all to the backs of my mind. This gives me a 'piece of mind' among the mockery of a life I am living in. I ask myself, is it right to just suck it all in as B asked me to? Looking at C whom I treasure the most, suffering in silence, one that is probably inherited generation to generation, breaks my heart into pieces. Wanting more, expecting more in blind hope, receiving nothing in return. Why do all those things for A? What for? Appreciated? NO. Just plain selfishness reciprocated. When I ironed clothes today.. thinking of what fucking shit A may be doing within that time (DISGUSTING), while C slog like shit, instilled an indescribable hatred in me. Almost wanted to burn a hole in the shirt. Taking everything for granted. Thinking of oneself. Oblivious to everything happening around. Shuffling around amidst the background of tears and bleeding hearts. wtf.

What am I living for when it is filled with lies, backstabbing, betrayal and sadness. I feel like I'm betraying C. I feel so angry for C. I feel so indignant and really irritated with the maelstrom of emotions swirling in me.

I rather stay away than get near. I want to get away from all these.. seek the life that I want. But C is the only thing holding me back. I want to embrace C and protect C from whatever that may happen. I can bear with anything. Already had a taste of certain shit, but I believe I can handle it. As long as C is happy. Really. Hate. Hate. Hate. In this dark dark night, hate fills me. Mired in sadness, eyes glazed with anger. Hate. childish word. Not even strong enough to put it into a single semiotic representation that is again a construction for us to make sense of reality. Constructed. LIES. Reality is a LIE. I am a LIE. Hate all these. What's the point. To suffer? To suffer and then overcome? What is the fucking point man. What is the fucking big problem for that who created organisms, atoms, energy, whatever that made everything seem to come into being.? SO what. SO WHAT if we overcome. We fucking die one day. What happens next? I hope its oblivion and sleep. I hope I will now everything then. I AM SERIOUSLY gonna ask whoever or find out why all these came about and for what purpose and reason. Are u seriously bored or something? Hate. Hate all these questions.

Busy weeks to come. Rather strap work to myself to keep mind off things. what is work anyway. work work work to get money. money things money things money things. things= happy? happy= so what? Then? just chemically induced shit present in ur body to give u some high. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF ALL THESE???? fuck them all. hate them all.

OUTING WITH C&C

nope. not Cycle and Carriage. More like Cherryn and Candy. hahah! =)



Anway, we went out to catch the move 'September Issue' which is a sort of documentary that brings you through the process of how Vogue magazine comes out with their hottest issue of the year, the September issue. It is very important coz that is when they gota showcase all of the latest collections from the famous designers..like Nina Pucci, Vera Wang, Jean Paul Gaultier.. etc. U name it!

Interesting movie..but still not worth watching it in a CINEMA. not cinematic enough to pay money to watch.

I wanna watch next is Surrogate and my Inglorious Basterds not conquered yet!!! =S

I met Cherryn earlier to get to PS. She so cute rite..

FAT MY ASS. like literally my ASS. who dare say my darling is imperfect is a perfect ASS. in every sense. irritating.. *yeeeueuckcksksssssss* stomps off~

OK. picture tells alot. so lazy to explain.

After the movie, I kinda forced them to go explore Orchard Central coz I haven't been there before. One word for it, FAIL.

SERIOUSLY, too much wasted space, messy shop layout and not even nice at all. How are they to compete with the various shopping havens rising up from the grounds beside it?? TSKTSK* FAILLL...

In the end we settled at Yakun to take a breack and talk cock. Was really quite fun to just talk with them=)



BUT EWWWW>. not cooked egg..


TRYING to act dainty with a small mouth. Don't bluff lah woman. lolx.

*sLurrrpss*

EEKK! *shudders* ahhahaha what's candy doing at the back there anyway. hamuanahhaha

Candy trying out the teh-O.. damn erxin! TOo sweet le.

UP Next was going to Taka to buy mooncake...Candy wanted to buy moooncake for her mum...


SO PACKED with people. total sian-ness

Soon.. we eat again!!! ARGHHH.. why nowadays i keep eating..=( can't seem to control myself and worsens when i'm with friends..*frowns*

After dinner, I started to play with my food.. and Cherryn followed suit! ahhaa

Cherryn's masterpiece...

Mine is wondorous rite.. UNBELIEVABLE huh~ =P

very sleepy now.. another time..

It is only when the sounds get muted out, the buzz sizzles out, the dim light from the night lamp standing rooted and the silence filling the air...

Only then will your mind starts whirling with thoughts..

I stare at my computer screen.. not knowing what to do. I don't even know what to surf, what to watch, what to read.

Somehow these days.. something seems very wrong with me.

Not sure why, perhaps hormonal effects, but yeah. I do feel it.

Is it changing? Is it mellowing? Am I changing?

Loneliness..

Aching..

I'm here...yet not there. Drifting yet shooting past. slinking away yet forced to appear. happy..yet am not. oxymoronic injunctions that makes sense yet eludes me.

Aching for everything and nothing too.

OMG.

FINALLY the normal palette is out on the bloody blogspot. But the words are like muggled up! Heck! hahah=)

At the Central Library now, bumming while waiting for Vic to finish her class at 3.. Dont feel like doing alot of things these days.. I KNOW i do have lots.. (projects, brainstorming, readings, lecture revision..) BLAH!!whatever..

new specs btw~

First few weeks of school was hellish. Talk about experiencing politics at work. Welcome to NUS Year 4. Where even grouping up is political.

Dont want you and dont recognise you as an asset in the group, coz u will hinder MY progress to get whatever shit honours I want = blatantly IGNORING you so that you wont go near to join his/her group.

sobx~

Oh well.. based on my inner thick skin and after feeling very depressed about my capabilities and being 'Expelliarmase-d!!' into a category of being "the lousy", I manage to overcome it.. even joining the group where that particular person is residing in. Don't CARE! i know they are the elite excellent ones...I'm gonna stick to them like glue..and prove my capabilities as well. Hmph~ ASSS..


I remember one significant, POIGNANT in fact.. moment in my life after that shitty lesson..(baby was sending me home) seriously.. never hit me so hard before... was when I was whining to bearishy baby and feeling so self-absorbed in my misery. He actually said comfortably and matter-of-factly that I will surely get the Media Relations Director post in the group! As in.. he said it in a way that he had confidence in my writing abilities and no way that I will lose to the other people.. *smilessss*. When he said this, his face was like saying...anything less than what he just said would be plain ridiculous! I can't really describe it properly..but I guess you already got the gist of it~ HEH.

I have no idea why I was so touched by his comment..but I guess it really addressed all my inner insecurities as a person heading towards a PR field where writing is indeed essential..talking as well (another big problem), for I hate faking to be nice to others while networking.. sighx~ THANK YOU BABY!!! my boobookins. muahahah~ n... one more month to go for our

5 years anniversary!

Friends..definitely made some...hi-bye sorts.. if not via groupings.. coz year 4 is more closely-knitted, either join a group of friends or be alone. That's life and it is applicable in any spectre. I really must learn such skills in order to survive in the Public Relations/Advertising/Marketing sector. =) And hence.. i have applied for 3 recruitment talks! hee.. Ogilvy & Mater, Unilever and P&G workshop! =)=) Hope they will be interested in me...teehee~ Maybe shall ask some intelligent question after their presentation. MUAHAHA

Latest Birthday celebrated was Jaslin's one=)

She's so cute!!! ahahha always in pretty dressess..we got her a nice small pouch and those rocker chick style hairband.. u know the chain ones intertwined with gold/black/white ribbons? yup...=) Hope she liked it!


We ate at Din Tai Fung at Raffles City.. nicenice! hahaha though the noodles weren't exactly one of my favourites..=P But the xiao long baos were the only exceptionally worth it items.. slurps! Sian.. haven't eaten lunch.. feel hungry now at the mere thought of those little treasures.. boohoo

Cherryn and Candy! =)

I liked the way Cherryn mix-and-matched=) sighx. if me I will probably look like some big block of mass hidden beneath clumps of material..if not.. a walking fashion disaster.. OR a sweating smelly hindrance. hohhO~ nahhh shall stick to simplicity~ I love you Cherryn! Sorry for that day and everything else.. just felt so injusticed and so angry for you at some rotten vege. =P But since you're ok now..teehee~ I just want you to be happy ok!! *MUACHx*

For that day... most of the 'clique' actually made it! hee

Especially our very own fly-girl..who is like how busy!!! but she always very dressed up and pretty..=) yucks.. heels also like how high..tsktsk*

Loves~


Now...just gotta prepare for the Ogilvy talk tomorrow, resume and cover letter.. presentation next week, campaign ideas regarding reducing plastics on NUS campus, tackle Media Rep midterm essay... and Ethics essay one week later.. SCREAMs!*