ok...why am i sounding depressing????

HAPpY NEW YR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeee hahahhahaa....NEW YR...NEW yR...YAY! "chestnuts roasting on the open fiRe..."

hahaha..missing that particular someone...reading back on the stuff i wrote..i am indeed happy..i am indeed fortunate...i am indeed blessed...there is nothing more i need but u...*mUAchx.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......(juz trying to take up space HA)....oh..today went jp to eat LJS with sum clazmates...lame lah...as we were eating...saw this show.."wo gen jiang si you ge yue hui 3"....LAME LOR....supEr ...hahaha..the doll was so FAKE!!!!..hahaha...lol..

oh..today at the bus stop...saw this guy staring at me....iRRITATING!!!!!!!! uGH...feel like poking his both eyes out...wahaha..no lah...i prob look like sumone whom he noe...WHY do i have a face that looks so much like othERS!!!!!!! uGH!...all my life..sure have sumone come up to me and ask me if i am sumone...=S....I AM ELAINE! ACCEPT mE!..dun mistake me for sumone else..i am hu u see...no facade.=)

yeah...the yr is ending...no regrets actually...erm..have lah..hahaha....but not really gonna brood over them...i should look ahead!!!....yEah!...i love lines...i love yellow...green...brown...WHEeeeeeeee....i love the world...

suddenly remembered about the dream i had earlier on...the result of sleeping longer...lol....was tired...as i had maths lesson in the morn..7 AM!!!! yah...almost died in the morn...but nvm..gotta get used to it again...

got home..SLEEp...dream...sumthing about going round n round.....oh ya..yest had a fierce falling again..i always dream abt falling..sighx...i prob committed suicide in my past life or sumthing...anyway...abt today...

dreamt abt swimming...around n round...then he died...i was completely devastated...really...comPLetely...the whole 2 hrs when i was slping...i was crying for 1 1/2 hr in my dream...ALWAYS!....in the dream..u noe..when u lose sumone really dear...u start crying like..SO hard..So hard that ur whole world is going to fall apart. feel so drained when i woke up...anyway in the dream..there was always sumthing to remind me of my dearest....and i cried...AGAIN...i kept cryING!!...sigh..i say out here also no one will understand wad i'm trying to express..nvm...its juz that...i felt wad it feels like to lose sumone so close...it hurts..u feel like u're bleeding...ur world seems bleak...and nothing matters any longer...ur tears...it has flowed till it has really dried...so bad tat when u cry...nothing comes out but juz harsh breathings and sobs...no one can understand y u can't let go...but u dunno why u keep on crying...u juz can't help remembering that person..u keep hoping the person would come back...u hope so badly..u keep hoping and hoping.,but iat the back of ur mind noes that u're holding on to a withered hope..and the reality juz hits u..he is never coming back...u're alone..so alone..u only have an image to keep in ur mind..the moments u spent with the person in ur heart...u miss the person SO much...so much that u feel that everything beautiful is nothing..u drift into nothingness...and u start crying again... u are almost on the verge of hallucinating that u see or feel that the person...whether its real or a ghost...is there...and u start crying again... my heart aches now...dunno...weird dream..the lost was so real..i panicked and msged him....i feel so tired nw...so afraid...dun wan anything to happen to him...ever...

but well..this is juz a dream. dreams dun come true...do they?

headache.
GRrrr...having a headache now...haha...nvm..juz go knock into sum walls can le..haha..later ba.
missing sumone..hope he have a wonderful new yr celebration aka supper...haha..yah...
decide to forget sum stuff...and really have to get dwn to doing stuff...today's maths lesson was victorious for me..mUAHAHA..hahaha...i didn't fall asleep...lol...no lah...really muz pay attention le..mayb muz plant myself in frnt of lecturers le...if at the side..DIe le...haha..
well next yr means a NEw yr...and it represents setting new resolutions...and having new beginnings...end to the bad...and improvement to oneself...haha.yah

1) STUDIES. next yr is A levels...damn damnIMPT...haha..dunno wad vocab shld i use to express it...lol yeah..gotta concentrate...set my priorities right...i have no allowance to let down those hu have high hopes on me...though i wld like to say.."SIGH"..but i shall not...coz i have to do it..i cannot let myself down..my parents...everyone..that includes him. gotta have more discipline...almost cried that day my father scolded me...but i told myself to hold it in...dun like to show my weakness in frnt of him...pride i guess...i love him though. ok..digressing..lol..JIAYOU elaine! yep...its all abt being focused...juz like wad jason said.=)

2) US. its been 3mths and 11 days...have never regretted spending any with u...=) gonna have to spend less time with u next yr...but i'll still try my best...to my capability...to be there for u physically and emotionally...yeah...=) loving u....forever and always...and this is juz a hurdle we have to get over with, together.*hugZ

3) UGH! cherryn! we muz go gYM!!!!!!!! hahahhaa..lets revert back to the apple thing can..lol...stoopid canteen food...UNHEALTHY! lol...yah...gotta have to consume lesser...drink more water...run more to improve my stamina...touch is sumthing really fun..dun wanna be the one lagging behind...YEAH!..lol...=) JJ touch rox! hahaha..

4) Parents. gonna show more care n concern to them...they are all i have..and wat i will always want and love...they are the ones hu is still there with u when all else leaves u.....sighx..dun ever wanna think abt deaths and stuff...life is unpredictable...seeing other pple's children or parents being killed unexpectedly....makes u think wat iF.....so dun wanna regret.... i love u mum and dad...=)

5) Friends. impt pple in my life. this past yr...esp with cherryn...make me realise how i do sumtimes be insensitive...or taking them for granted...i'm sorry to those whom i have let down! yepyep...i'm learning...juz like everybody...if u ain't happy with me...juz tell me in the face k.yep.. really gotta show more concern and stuff...they are precious too...

hmm...is there anymore??? hahahaha....dunno lah..learn more read more change the globe....hey..that sounds like a song..but nvm..makes sense...OH YAAH! SAVE moneyyyyy.....hahahha...forgot abt that...

6) SAVE MONEY...*kachink! hahaha...money is impt...practical sense...gotta save for rainy days...or buy stuff for impt pple...yepyep...

think that's all....sigh..worried for my dad...the china pple better feed my dadOK! if not i'm gonna complain..he was calling home...saying his plane is being delayed...water on the runway turnined to ice..hA...dad..bee v careful k....yeah...and he's angry coz he's hungry..LOL....

7) LOVE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!! god made the world beautiful...treasure it....SAVE the EARTH...hahaha.yeah..

ok...end of resolutions...cannot be too ambitious...mayb i better get down to do sum stuff...sch starting on monday...so fast..."ARGh!!......erm*look arnd*.....i mean...YAY! . . . -_-''' " *REN*

hee

jingLE beLLS!!! elaine's the best...serene lays an EGG! hahaha...michelle farts...serene snores..MERRY CHRISTMAS to aLL....! =D

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!! HOHOHO. ok..lame...wahahaha....hehe...actually feeling quite bored now...but dunno y...having a mixture of inexplicable happiness and sympathy...=)

gonna play with colours once again...ain't colours woNDERFul? they make up most of the things in ur life...and hardly anyone bothers muxh about it..hahaha..o..i'm digressing again..haha..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY pOOTY BOY!!!!!!!!! i love my pootpoot..hehe...he's the cutest..bestest..wonderfullest...watevernest...i love hiM!!! hehee....my lovely christmas baby...he's furry and cutey...he licks me and sneezes on my face...he shits everywhere..and constantly (prob puRPOSELY) wees on the wrong spot...despite all of that...i love him frm head to tail...POOTPOOT! u're the beST!...i'm gonna make u a delicious...scrumptious...dinner...juz sum tender loving chicken slices...topped with cans and cans and unlimited cans of ...canned dog food...hahahahaa...wheeee...love my pooty boy~ =P

merry xmas once again...and i'm yearning to hear the xmas song.."chestnuts roasting on the open fire...blah blah blah blah....."...paiseh..dunnoe the lyrics...hahaha..yesterday tot it was going to b miserable...cannot spend with hIM....the whole family is asleep...pooty included....and i'm the only awake person..hu tries to down sum whisky..but realise it tastes quite aWful....so settles on one can of jolly shandy...but still didn't feel JOLLY...ha~ but my darling was still the best...sigh....

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahahaa...he surprised me...sighx...*loving u with all my heaRt*... where else can i find a wonderful bearbear hu wanders arnd my house at 1 am...with his worst pair of shoes on...hope ur legs feels much better todAY...=) love ya...u shldn't have done that...but i love u to do that...but...but..hahaha..dunoe lah... i was touched...but yet heart ache when i see u limping...sighhhh...yah..u hAr...silly beary...chey..but u're the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!! *muachx...it juz seems so easy to let my world revolve arnd u...=) merry christmas dear...

merrry merry xmas to all my frens too!!!! hahaha...i love all of U!!! and i am looking forward to meet u all next yR!!!!!! hahhaa..shld i make my new yr resolutions NOW??..hmm mayb a bit early...yEAh..hhaa...yepyep...

sigh...can't wait for tuesday to come...

my cousin is going back tommorow i tink...OH NO...i forgot abt using colours..

haha..well its christmas...gonna have a kind of feast tonite i guess...hehe...but no presents..aWWWW...nvm..i have the love of families...frens...and beaRy...hee=)
its enough...no need to doubt anything juz because of wad keng ee said...i almost cried yesterday actually...coz wat he said made me feel helpless...and doubt actually filled me...sighx...wateevr...shldn't be harbouring sad tots on this wonderful yet dreary day...coz u're not here beside me...

now then do i understand wad "so near yet so far" really means...

bad day 2 days in a row. life sucks. esp without u. sighzzzz....

now in my bro's room reading his blog...he is gushing abt his newly bought lord of the rings gaMe....hahaha...i also quite excited to share his excitement with him actually....but he how oLD liaO! wahahha...dunno him lah...hope he faster find a job soon..then he dun need to keep nursing his wound..caused by a vicious woman....hahaha...(my bro may kill me if he reads this)....lol=P dunno lah...think that its stoopid...feel like strangling that girl...i mean..hu want to get engaged so fast...21 yrs old leh....at least wait for the guy to be stable in most of the things like...income..or job...or watever...my BRO juz turn 21 and she wanna get married and have kids...PLS LAH~ and beCAuse they have disagreements on the engagement issue...she wanan break up...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....wads wrong with the world...duNno lah....ahaha..my bro IS REALLY going to kill me.hahaha...die.yah..

christmas...i can't wait for my cousin to go hOME....ok lah..i noe i'm being really mean...but i really wan her to get off my back...she really have sum attituDE proB can...but she do have a quick mouth. prospects of being a lawyer. yep. christmas...is also a time for NEW begginnings....yay! when she's gone. wahahaa....k...being a meany now... sighx...new beginning for a yr of study....heLp.

last 2 days. shit. hhaha...yah...can't help but describe it as shit. i dun wanna msg u...coz u're busy with stuff...juz time n again pop by with a msg or two...haha..if i keep msging according to the number of times i miss u...u may deem me as a psycho maniac..lol~ this 2 days were...again...shit. mum's relentless scoldings...ARGH! i do love her a lot...but sumtimes she gets on ur nerve...that u really feel like asking her to bug off...but hey..she's still my mum... she scold me for sum small thing...then she'll bring up other stuff....then make it into such a big thing...then sum things i did...she also everything nag me...and SCOLD ME...sumtimes i can;t notice the diff btw her nagging and scolding..it sounds the same..seriOUSly. yah..haha...yepyep...when i'm angry...and pissed off...even if u accuse me wrongly i'll keep quiet...dunNo y...mayb i shld try one day of scolding back..but i'm trained that way since young...no talking back...coz u're get it twice as hard...ha. the memories ~ anyone afraid of my mum now? hahaa..no lah...she's really a great person...juz tt she makes a mount chudalup out of a small hOle...ok...mayb u shld try mount everest...

i've been dreaming and wanting to run into ur arms...so down...felt so v down...but sumtimes u gotta handle ur probs urself...esp when u're not there..=) its ok...i can still feel u...i'm glad u're ok=) though was worried when u told me u're sick...sighx...take care wor~

been toking much with andrew these days...but when i was angry he send sum lame msg back..ahhhh....want to strangle him...wahahaha stoopid guy~ to andrew...U OWE me a TREAT....DUN forgET! yah....

love is like a piece of artwork...even the smallest bit can be so beautiful.

yoyo!
hahhaa...finally have time to write my blog..my irritating cousin is taking a bath....haha..*phew...juz taught her to make stars...practise piano...do assesments..go swimming...and making a cup of m,ilo is coming up...ARGH! y ain't i paid for this..hahaha. .well..there are times when she really is nice..RAREly i mean...yyah....wonder y she so spoiled..omg..can u imagine..today my grandma came in the room to read newspaper...and my cousin(pri2 going to pri3) told her...*in chinese* y u come in the room! u dun need to go sweep the floor meh? wah ..*penGz*...i really dunnoe wad to say...scolded her later on...GRRR..1 week and 4 days more...nvm..i'm stROng...this is nothing man~ hahaha=D i have patience..yepyep...hee
him...hahaa..wild rollercoaster...love yOU! hee..our 3rd month coming liao..but oh fate has decreed that we be seperated on that day...hm..nvm..when there are more months to come..hee=) *(muachx....enjoy ur camp...and pls dun break anything during rugby friendlies k...can't bear to lose u...any part of u..)
i miss uwa...sigh..sumtimes images of everyone..standing in one line on the beach..waiting and yelling when the waves come rolling in...so nice...and warmth juz seeps right down to ur soul...also on that nite at king's park..yeah..singing together...and also staying in currie hall..and lamenting about the food...that always seem to be sandwiches and sausages and salads and beef and chicken and jerky and chips and pasta and...ahhhhhhhhh...hahahaa=P sigh...the laundrette also...mw mich and serene were there at midnight...half asleep and writing our reflections...sigh...really miss those days...those seemingly long yet short period of time..yep..let me know those whom i think i noe..yet do not know..ok...i'm blur already..wad am i toking.hahahaha..wateveR~...i'm juz glad i am able to these bunch of peepx better...yep..that even includes ms mandy..really sweet teacher..=) better jiayou for her next yr..hee~=P
mich in paris now..say have sum hot guy..haha..PJC daopok...hahaa..sigh..how i wish i can travel arnd the world too..life's too short to regret...but y am i doing so? well...i dun regret one thing though...=) and that is knowing u...getting close to u...and being part of u...US is the word.=) and u make me mad mAN! ahhhh..*paiseh* lol u mad bearish too...hahah! i'm something huh~ hehehehehe=x bleah...
i can;t stop thinking abt U!!!! ahhhhhhhh...ahhaha...wondering how was the friendly...hope u nev pop anything..*praying*...yepyep...can't forget ur scent..lol...ok...thats a bit out of point..heehee...
christmas. oh no...i've been a bad gal this yr...hahahha..well...actually every yr..how can anyone be so good...how can anyone not commit any mistakes? if so..santa pte ltd gotta close down le...=p yah...well...my bro bought this jack daniels for us to drink..and my mum ordering turkey and such stuff lah...though she dun really celebrate christmas...hahaha...yest was toking to charlene..was quiite fascinated that her grandma's house had a christmas tree..taller than HER!hahaha..think i sound like a ctry bumpkin./..its juz that i see it in movies...but didn;t noe pple will make an effort to set up trees like these...sigh..hope to have one sum day.,,really cool to put the star on the tree!! * ahem..that's me*...hee...as long as the tree dun fall down lah...=P yeah! yupyup...then all ur relatives gather...and do potluck...everyone has presents for almost EVEryone...then wine drinking...the spirit of homecoming those kind will really exist...hahah..dunnoe lah..crazy thinking of miNE...hehe~=P
next yr. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....stRESSED....A levels...hu invented THEM! hahaa..dunnoe lah...gotta SEE the J1s playing while us slogging our guts out...or trying to snowball thru the thick piles of homework and tests...sighz....playing time always seem to end...haha..reality also sumhow really muz set in...gonna step on it now...hahah..though i shld really study a bit before sch starts=x hee....yeah...not doing well next yr will be letting everybody down and myself down as well...so much expectations and pressure set on me...juz becoz i had 10 pts...uGh...i am always the sibling to be supposed to do well...i have to do well or my parents will lose face as compared to those other relatives who will brag..or colleagues...then my mum willl cum home and say,,oh u noe,.,,the whose and whose son or daughter...went to NUS...or dunnoe how many As....then the topic will veer to me...WHy can;t u do bettER!!!!! hahaa...yeah...the harsh reality of life...~
suddenly remembered when i was young...when i did well...my mum never praised me...always asked hu is the top..if i'm not...then ask me y i'm not the top...i'm also being compared to other pple's daughters...if my bro did well in sumthing...i am also expected to do well at that...well...ps...y am i saying so many WELL*....haha..dunnoe...quite strict upbringing...lian now chalet also cannot go..sumtimes wonder hu am i living for...but hey...i gotta have to shoulder sum responsiblities in life..yepyep...hahaha..think i am indeed a scorpio...i can easily sink into depressions if i wan...yep...but i'm optimistic!!! yeah!...wad for live ur life in a gloomy and unhappy state..when most of ur time u're cursing life for making u this way...
i'm not gonna curse life...coz fate has brought u to me...=) sigh....bliss of life..hahaha=P juz realised i've given a lot of firsts to u...but i've never regretted any of them...=) hee..(nothing notti about this sentence ok..) yepyep...*muachx...thinking of u~...6 more days...countdown.