It's amazing how some secret yearnings and hidden feelings can just sneak up once again and bite you. Aptly described in a diff context, it never even started but it was so true and real. How easy it is to give a part of you away.

But once passed, once given up, it's too late to turn back. All that's left to do is to move on, cherish what you have and try to ignore the invisible things that tug your heart strings now and then.

Find peace.

2 more weeks to the start of my working life. As for Sandy, its one more day of countdown. HAHA!~

I think for anyone who starts work, the first day would be the most intimidating and nerve-wrecking one. In my case, I am ALREADY imagining how it would be like and racking my brains over what to wear, what to say and how friendly I should be.

For example, what should I say when I first step into the office?

" Hi Good Morning! I'm Elaine and today's my first day of work. Is the boss in?"

Haha. is that standard talk? Will they like dump me into the deep dark ends with work which I'm afraid of..being incapable of delivering what I had promised during the interview?

AND WHAT shld I wear??? Long sleeve? But what if its too formal and I look out of place? And I found out that another person is joining with me. Wouldn't that mean that I would be constantly compared to that other individual and that person could be a threat to me?

*Elaine crosses her fingers and hope that person won't be a political bitch/man ass*

But then to think of it in a positive light, having some other new person starting with me would mean someone sharing the same experiences with me, someone fresh like me, someone to talk to. :)

I am now in KL with my cousin.. she came back to pack her stuff to transport them to Singapore in preparation for her new life there. Both of us were quite lucky...to obtain a job at the same time. That is AWESOME! yay! I can finally get a sister that I often hoped for. HAha. A temporary one at least. lolx

I bought working tops here..but I'm still lacking in terms of bottoms.

I AM FAT AGAIN!!!! rahhhhhhhhhh...

Damn pissed with myself.

Coming back to KL to eat all the fattening food does not make things better. But I am quite determined to lose some weight when I get back to Singapore.

SERIOUSLY.

Having to grab clothings in XL size is not a good thing for my own self-esteem. As for bottoms, with my humongous butt & thighs, getting a working pants is no simple task. Every pants I try that makes me a dumpling or the skirt gets stuck @ my legs before I can even pull them up gets me more depressed than ever. After a while of shopping, you just get fed up and don't even feel like trying on ANYTHING. I just go straight for the size 16 and hope that the crotch won't look funny, the waist won't be too loose and the VPLs won't be that obvious. wtf. And how many shops actually have size 16 pants which is not too expensive. HELL. spending before even earning it. Asking my mum to pay for my clothes is not a very guang rong (proud) thing to do and I feel so guilty about it.

By the way, I only have one working pants. sigh. Gonna like grab pants from GAP next week. 99 bucks each. my pocket really burns man.

Actually the best and most wonderful thing when thinking about my job, is...

HOW AM I GOING TO SPEND THE SALARY?

woohoO! hahah I bet this is what every person who is starting work, thinks about.

Its like... when I have the realization that I can have 1k plus (after deduction from CPF) to spend a month, it is easy to get complacent about money. A vain person like me, easily starts thinking about branded stuff (my aim is a MiuMiu bag/Marc by Marc Jacobs bag & wallet), self-enhancement processes (eg. Lasik, contact lens, cut hair) and holidays. Just because we got the means to spend, the human nature gets greedy and feeds on material stuff. Ugly yet very real. Self-satisfaction is gained from it. I think this is especially applicable in terms of bag. My cousin was fascinated by the number of branded bags Singaporean working women carry (she was waiting for her friend @ Raffles Place during peak hour). ABsolutely reflective of the materialistic aspirations of the modern working woman, where branded stuff becomes something to give and derive satisfaction from.

For me... I am in no doubt, a brand slut too.

haha. I live in the society itself. Of course I subscribe to its values and aspirations as well!

oh well.

But definitely, I will set aside money for savings, my bearfish fund & most importantly, for my parents. Especially my mum. Beloved mum:)

Today was quite a memorable and poignant day of my life. The notification of my first JOB! :):)

~~~~~WHEEEE!!!!!~~~~

The boss called me and told me that they are going to accept me! The company is a local homegrown PR agency who has done a number of high-profile cases! I am both excited yet apprehensive at the same time, due to the amount of prep work I need to do, the type of person that I must mold myself into, the trepidation I will face in the near future, the amount of things I must live up to in future and being a better person than I am now.

The hard climb up the corporate ladder is ahead of me..

But in addition, I am damn relieved!!! mUAHAHHAHA

Looking for a job is no easy task, really. I can FINALLY understand why Candy took so long also to get a job. THe endless search on Jobstreet/JobsDB/monster.com was both tiring and demoralising. (as well as the endless nagging from my mum & pressure from Jason and myself) haha~ why I say Jason is coz the fact that he has work and that he is always busy, making me an unproductive loafing lump of lard @ home. lolx.

So far I went for an interview @ BM, Hotel Re! and finally M Comms! (trying not to say out the name for privacy sake)

And after two rounds of interview plus 2 essays, I finally GOT IT!! :)

*Phew* Damn happy about it.

And damn sad for my pocket.

Because I gotta invest in jackets and work clothes. wth.

Btw~

:) Sandy will be staying with me coz she got a job in Singapore also! Yay!!~~~ Luck comes in threes. (I remb some chinese saying).. hahah!!! Plus my brother's wedding tomorrow, I'm satisfied and already anticipating the fulfilling journey ahead of me. :D

My brother's wedding is in 4 days times!

Bet he's very excited. haha~ IN any case, I feel that wedding really takesup alot of money. So if u ain't got the cash, don't get married. ahahh! As for me, being a bridesmaid and being happy for my bro, guess spending is a necessary thing. (my parents pay though). hohoho.. feel quite bad also.


Getting a white dress is no easy thing for a plus size girl man. I trawled over the city, seeking endlessly for both brick and mortar shops, as well online shops...for the right dress (If i dun freaking lose weight, next time my personal wedding dress gotta be custom made and cost me a nuclear atomic bomb)


Anyway...these are the final contenders. Which do you think I would end up wearing?? :)


1)

2)


3)

4)

5)

this is the same dress as the above

The wedding would be fun! :)

:)

They finally called me.

Teehee~

I really really hope that I can get the job. I wanna start doing something, start contributing, start challenging myself, start lamenting how tough the things are and how irritating some particular person is...etc.

I really really hope they won't ask me to converse in Chinese tomorrow. *crosses fingers*

But if they really hire me, I will definitely go sign myself up for some Chinese course, since they are going to forage into China in future.

And if they really do hire me... i am really really sorry girls..I confirm cannot go on the trip! hahahaha.. i can't wait to embark on a career in public relations:) whether or not it is suitable for me, I gotta start somewhere right?

wheeee~

Happy Elaine:)

I WANT A JOB DAMMIT!

CALL ME!!!!

RAHHHHHHHH

Yippeee!!!

Got an interview scheduled on Monday :)

The hotel replied quite fast and the person spoke like a whirlwind. hahaha. Although the hotel is small, but starting from there and gaining experience will be quite cool. Different market for a boutique hotel. I LIKE! I really hope I can get it. hmmm actually.. I don't even know what position am I going to get. She just told me to come down for an interview with the deputy GM! COOLNESS!!!! excited. I must be prepared this time round. Must sound knowledgeable. ahhahaha

Wish me luck guys.


ok wait a min. I just googled and researched more abt them. Comments about them on Tripadvisor is terrible!!! omg. They shld have addressed it. goodness. I hope that although they are budget, they are professional. -_-

Sun Tanning with Cherryn @ Sentosa
(2 weeks ago~)


Haha.. it was quite random. And i wanted to wear the dress i bought from Cambodia anyway~ lolx. :D




So.. off we went to Sentosa Siloso Beach! When was the last time I have been to the beach man... -_-..



This explains why we are like damn excited!! ahahhaa



The fascinated Cherryn~




AND the bewildered me after seeing all the changes made to Sentosa.
AWESOME! ahahha :)


We have bought all the beach picnic necessities before heading there.. of which includes a baguette, apples, one whole bbq CHICKEN, a sausage & Kettle Chips! heeee~



Look @ how happy Cherryn is...



The rest of the photos are just typical beach photos. HEE~





Me grappling with the tough Baguette.

After eating the yummy picnic lunch, we soon settled down to tanning, reading and lazing arnd under the damn blardy hot scorching sun...








hmm this pic looks abit lesbiany. lolx. Post this pic to make Bernard jealous darling girl! hahaha



And yes. I'm looking at your boobs Cherryn. WAHAHAHHA!!!




PEACE!


Sexy Cherryn~


As for this cheesecake... we kinda consumed it @ Coffee Bean after our suntanning session. hAHAHA. totally fattening. oh well who cares. :P





Such a great day of slacking:)


The end result?



totally terrible peeling reddish tan :(

Proud of myself today.

Accomplishments:
1. read the newspaper
2. Sent in 11 job applications
3. 2.5kg down in 4 days

JIAYOU ELAINE! :)

Today is my Commencement Day 2010. It is the day I graduate from university, and also the best day I had in AGES. Not really so much of friends-wise..not so much of nostalgia or reflections that I have of NUS.

Most of all, it will be commemorated by me, as the best day that I had in ages... no quarrels, no disharmony.

Happiness really blossomed in my heart today.

We were really a family. We were really happy. (at least I was~) We talked normally, we had laughs. We joked and planned for the next big event, which is Kevin's wedding in August.

I'm happy :) ...for now.

why do u keep doing all the i wanna jump down stunts.

I am so fucking fed up with all this.

as for the other..why do u keep ignoring and living the life u actually don't want to lead? Hurting yourself and others who harbour hope. Letting them down and being hot and cold at different times. just do what u set out to do long ago.

either fucking solve the damn problem, or lead the facade life.

haha just something random.

I was looking through a sketch book and I saw what I've drawn like back in 2002...like perhaps.. sec 3? wahahah!!

Ying Mu Hua Dao.. the main character

Back in those days, I was in love with Slam Dunk.. still is coz the comics are great! :) But I took the effort to even draw them out..copy them

this is the girl whom he likes



and his coach. MUHAHAHA the big gorilla~



So cute~ I miss drawing.. maybe if one day I will tire of playing maple (which already is starting).. I will start drawing again.

I went to try out Wendy's yesterday together with Baby.. and it was horrigible!!!! i can't understand why pple would wanna bring them into Singapore and what the hell is the rave about them all about??!!! Perhaps the beef is really good which I presumed frm the pictures and testimony frm baby... but besides that?! UGH~ take it away frm me man. Give me MACs/BK/Carl's Junior anytime.

I also catched Toy Story 3 which was really really good. Funny and meaningful. great even for those like me, who have not watched the 1st nor the 2nd ones of the series. muahahaha it is AMAZING how one can think out of all those characters and make them come to life. Especially with all the different toys.. "Monster Pork Chop" and the big bad dinosaur that is actually sissy sorts. hahahahaa!!! love them all for a first timer. A Must Watch!!!

I wonder how men can be so insensitive sometimes.

What's with the taken for grantedness? Just because we women are there for you, does not mean we do not need your help. It doesn't mean we will not appreciate just the 'asking' or noticing the fine details that you used to.

seriously, they're frm your side..why don't you take the initiative? We do not necessarily need to put in all those extra effort. But its because we want the place to look normal, to look presentable and showcase the facade of family. Are you taking the things that the women have done for you before, a natural inclination? A duty that we are supposed to perform?

seriously one can feel a bit down after all the accumulated neglect and lack of time spent together as a couple. But the little things that she does..the things that you would have commented on once upon a time, one that she expects now, yet does not receive an inkling of it.. really dashes her hopes, put down the efforts taken, and make her question the meaning of a relationship. Will something that was all sparks and fireworks once upon a time slowly become the burnt end of a sparkler?

As the years fly by, how does the definition of love shift? What is love indeed. It is something that mellows, something that endures, something that lingers. When does love become a habit? When does it transform into a burden or something to fall back upon? When does it lose all its meaning?

How does marriage even sustain itself. How can one believe in marriage. Why are emotions so complicated in the 1st place? Why can't it be made simpler and standardized and universal.

*sigh*

After a long week of slight depression and moodiness, brought about by dollops of self-doubt, boredom and self-pity, yesterday's outing that consisted of shopping (endlessly) @ Ion & clubbing at Butter made me feel much better:)

*though the money that flowed out didn't help things.*

and for the sake of Candy and Aida (facebookless pple)... HAHA! I shall post my pictures here instead.
.
.
.
.
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Met up with Cherryn and Aida first in town.


and with their recommendation, we ended up eating Ramen Ten @ Far East Plaza.



Both of them are able to keep themselves busy and stuff. I really wonder how they can make such nice decisions. As for me..so many things holding me back and I keep worrying and pondering. Like what if I do this and that happened? What if I am not meant to do this and I regret?

I think perhaps I shld maintain a positive mindset about job seeking. If well PR is not my cup of tea, I can always go for events or editorial jobs...Oh well.. the possibilities are endless and limited at the same time. Due to my lack of experience of course. bah!

I think I shld just keep on a look out of jobs and just wait in anticipation for my Cambodia trip:) whee~




I feel that Cherryn has become a much more confident person. Feels nice and happy for her:) Love u bestie~


After we finished eating, what's next?

SHOPPING! *hearts*
haha it's every Singaporean's favourite past time and furthermore it's The Great Singapore Sale period! :)

@ Bysi fitting rm

Tried out some funky style. hahaha anyhow pick clothes and try ;P I love the cardigan though.. but 50 bucks for that nice thing..sigh~ seriously no money.

@ New Look Fitting rm

As for this..love the shorts but the material like too flimsy and it wrapped around my butt. I dun need something that emphasizes my big butt even more. *tsk*

As for this top..I LOVE IT!!! I totally mad love the buttons and military style shoulder bits & details. It even fit my top nicely.

But.... too ex (79.90) and like not nicely made..siao. IN THE PAST AH..where got top near 100 bucks. Business capitalists are really trying to suck up a lot of hard-earned money from us.

Some white lace dress that is nice but made Ms. Butt look bad. So too bad~ U don't get my cash.

@ Zara Fitting rm

This tee is my favourite. Comfy, unique, neutral yet quirky in some sense. but not willing to pay near $50 for this.


All in all, I bought a cute hairband that I want to match my future bridesmaid dress for Kevin & Fangfang's wedding; a fedora that I'm still contemplating as to whether I shld bring along to my Cambodia trip...; and a light brown tank top that I can share with my mum.


Aida loves Body Shop! haaha



Cherryn, Aida and I, the three of us are such
cute independent shoppers!
I cannot even remember how many times we call one another to catch up on where each of us are at. And STILL we have never once got to meet each other in the same departmental store. LOLX. This experience is a first for me.


OM NOM NOM NOM!

Met Candy at abt 8 and we all dug into BK Dinner!



~Poor Candy hounded by work pressure and problems~

PS: All the following photos' spec props are Aida and Cherryn's.


On the way to Butter Factory!


Cyclops.
hAHAH but the sunglasses really darn cute.

the act-nerd.
a.k.a.

FATIMAH.

~wahahahaaahah~

Cherryn is Fatimah, Aida is Isabella, Candy is i dunno what.. and I am..hmmm can't remember... Shahirah? o_0 Weird alter-ego names. lolx



haha i remember taking this pic with Candy in frnt of a restaurant at Raffles Place xChange. After we took the pic, the guy in the restaurant was like cheering "Nice!" or did he say Good? haiyah whatever he said, it was a teeny weeny bit embarrassing. lolx.


the funky nards.

I made the pic antique color and it looked real good! haha
By the way, I have no idea why my last finger stick out like that.

I think it was subconscious and I believe I caught myself doing it sometimes during my exercise class. So weird! I think soon enough I would have to sign up as a member of

The Stickie-Out-Pinkie Society

Haha I googled that symptom and found that there is SUCH a group in Facebook:

For people who have a habit of sticking out their pinkie even when they don't want to.

After the countless pictures... we finally reached and found that they were giving out stickers that entitles you to free HOOCH!


Erm..but nahhh we're not interested in soft drink-like alcoholic beverage! I'm more of a vodka fan:)


This is me after the night of party @ 2 plus...

hahah! not very sloshed but my feet is damn sore! Coz walking the whole day shopping and plus the night of jumping and shaking my bon bon, my feet are screaming.

The night of clubbing was fun!!! Teehee. Aida knows how to dance and gyrate mannnn. lolx. So cute. The music was good...but in between suddenly got a guy came and we chatted minimally. Even got a name card frm him o_0

he was nice lah.. not pushy and stuff. Oh well. if wanna make friend then ok loh. ha~ Sigh but only if I met him earlier in the night. He could have bought us drinks or something. I WANT FREE DRINKS! not queue up damn long just to get a vodka mix. :S


Candy look damn cute here. I like this pic! :) With the berries looking like things at the back.. make her look like an elf!


Aida not in the pictures coz she went to the toilet. ha. But the rest in Candy's iPhone which I believe I will never see it ever again coz she doesn't have a facebook and she doesn't update her blog. -_-

If only I can get out more often. Guess what the fortune teller told my mum is true.

"This girl of yours will be one who loves partying. Better watch out."

Haha! I love dancing and the music. What's wrong with that. Beats lying on my bed till wee hours in the morning watching some drama.. Can lose calories summore.