It's been so long since I last said something on this virtual space.

I've just been going on and on with work.. getting absorbed into it, just doing the day-to-day stuff.

One year later from the time when I've just received news of my first job.. this post is going to announce.. the news of quitting my first job.. and looking for the second. :S

Things didn't go my way, people who try to harm me at work has succeeded in doing so.

perhaps the only crime that I did was being stupid enough to be caught... handing someone the weapon to kill me with. And so, I've tendered. And Jobless. F my LIFE!

Haha. but all is not lost. I know. I am positively (somewhat) looking forward to new challenges and have gone to one interview so far.... which led me to feel like the worst loser in the whole wide world who doesn't know shit about PR. The MD made me feel so green, made me feel like I've not seen enough in my previous company. The scope which I was exposed to is so.. so small. Totally like Jing Di Zhi Wa (A frog sitting inside a well only sees the sky as wide as the well). *I hope i translated it correctly* hahaha~

Well. A change is probably good. I was thinking of getting out there early next year anyway. What pisses me off is being cheated of my bonus and a promotion. KNN.

Oh well. This could be a good time for me to read up more.. and just apply for jobs. And i better get one before the economy tumbles to rock bottom.....

as for love issues...

After this incident.. a low point in my life.. i found out who is most concerned for me... who is most mature about things. And our relationship has became better. :) And i'm thankful for that.

But of course, there are unanswered questions in my mind.. irritating habits still yet to dissipate. I wish to make things clear.. but have no idea how to.

I am so bored at work.

Don't know whether this is what I initially set out to do.

But am glad that a recent effort of mine paid off. And boss actually attributed it all to her idea of flash mob. WTF. the client commented that it was passe during the presentation. AND SHE STILL claimed all the rewards. OH WHATEVER. -_-

I hope life gets better. I hope life gets more fulfilling. I hope I take away something from this work experience.

I hope that my heart still loves as usual.

im feeling so unhappy and have no place to express it except this derelict blog with cobwebs hanging from it due to my lack of usage/update.

i don't understand why i feel so lonely.

should i be voicing out my unhappiness that you're always so busy?

should i be more understanding when you have all the right reasons to be busy due to work?

am i still facing transitional problems? or is it just my work is so boring that i have too much time to think about such useless stuff and feel so lousy?

where were the really happy times? where were the times when you were so sweet? how often do i actually get to talk sweet nothings to you.. or rather YOU talking sweet nothings to me. Am i expecting too much?

from few messages + calls a day, to at least one phone call a day, to few phone calls a week.

what next? a month?

When I see stuff i wanna share with you or reminds me of you, i message you and wanna tell u everything. But when I see the lack of reply, I get so irritated. I feel unanswered. I feel neglected. I feel like im talking to a wall. I feel alone. Soon enough, I just get fed up. What's the use of messaging like a stupid desperate fool?

maybe im a too needy person. maybe i need attention. Maybe i need to stop this stupid thinking of mine. But then again, we hardly meet. if lucky, once a week.

i can't stop the tears from falling. it's been too long... i've reached my point. i feel so unhappy.
O tears just fall down my cheeks and sweep all these bitterness i feel.

tomorrow's valentine's day.

no plans. no mentions. no nothing. yes, its a capitalist day. I saw a tweet from my fren that says as long as both parties are content and happy, any and everyday should be a v day.

the problem is exactly that. Are both parties content and happy? I know Im not. At least not today. At least not tomorrow.

Oh let me sleep on it. Let me forget about it. Resolve me from this turmoil within.