insecure

why o why.

Wikipedia told me: 'A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future.'

I think I'm going through this frigging phase right now in my r/s.

Is this normal? Is it because I let him go once that I feel scared of losing him? That the present positive glow will be gone? I am scared.

Scared of facing his family again. Will their thoughts of me be: this is the girl who hurt my son/brother.. T_T

Scared of losing him to other girls.

Scared that maybe he had already 'seen' the outside world and maybe he's just back with me because of familiarity?? arghhhhhhhh!!!! *getting psychotic and paranoid*

Maybe part of the insecurity is because he isn't announcing with a loudhailer to the world that I'm his again, or that he has a girlfriend. His sisters dunno that we're back together. I feel small and down. I don't want to force this sort of weird feelings of mine or ideas on him. This should be something automatic.. something that you would like to do.

I mean.. I would most definitely like to shout out in facebook (for example), HE'S MINE YOU MUTHERFUCKERS! ALL GIRLS ON HIS FB if you have interest in him, BUG THE F OFF.~ (this is just an extreme saying). But I can't because I have to think of the feelings of the kind ex bf. -_-

I feel like telling him delete all those stupid girl photos on ur phone. the ONLY sexy girl photos on your god damn phone shld be mine. WTF.

Sigh. Maybe I should be more bighearted. I should be more understanding. I should be a lot of things. But I'm not. This jealous & insecure state has always been a part of me. I realise that I am willing to swallow down a lot of these for him. Willing to run to him, to be where he is. But do I like this person? I have no idea...