Define happy. Definitely not now.

Hi long time friend (aka blog),

Missed me yet? haha. Just so bored that I've decided to come talk to you.

Just reading my past post 3-4 months ago, makes me wanna snort indulgently. All those talk about being a better person and happier. bullshit.

For the record, not really happier, not even better, still plump and growing fatter. wtf.

Define happy. definitely not really now. Sweet moments, but unsatisfied. Suffering from something that Scorpios need - passion. KNSMF! RAWR! I am making efforts to improve whatever I'm in, but on a deeper level.. I know that he doesn't know me well enough and I just don't have that inclination to share my thoughts because I feel that perhaps he won't understand it. Example sexual puns. WHO ELSE can understand that and catch it as fast as.. sigh. enough said.

He hass no want to own. There is no desire for more. I don't need a companion. I need a lover, a best friend and a partner for my own. ARGH! *mutter to myself* don't look back don't look back.

So many times I just wanna run back. countless. every single fucking day. tmd. I'm so ashamed of myself. ashamed of this heart that just betrays me. Especially when slow love ballads come on. stupid thoughts turn to regret and longing. UGH! stupid me. I even thought of my speech. but maybe he's having it better now. Perhaps he got to know a better girl other than me. Well guys move on faster. not like stupid girls like me.

Argh whatever. October is a month of revelation. Will make my decision by end year. 

As for work, Poland's up in October. Not really moving that smoothly and I'm supposed to be in charge. I'm just looking forward to go there to tour the place and see Prague at the same time.

T_T money money please somehow fly into my bank account. wtf.

Weight-wise - am going to do something about it. watch me. I'm gonna go full steam ahead in preparation for BC's wedding. RAWR! I can't be a fat emcee for a wedding lunch. target: 16 to cut. I can do it.

Cheerios. hate this word. seemingly indifferent and distant. Perhaps for the better. But definitely had my heart cursing. fml.