its the last sem.

Not very fulfilling so far and its already week 8. Oh Ma god.

Deadlines gushing in. Soon to be caught within the flurry of activities.

these few days have been depressing for me, thinking of the same ole issues that make me feel very angry, sad, depressed and useless.

Was just staring out of the window on the bus 151 today, feeling real lousy and low..

miss my baby so much. he has to work the night shift almost every single day, which kinda sucks. When I wake up, he is already asleep. when i sleep, he is busy and i know my baby hates his working hours as well..and i can't do nothing about it. Feel so bad to meet my baby also coz it wld mean cutting down on his sleep time (afternoon) and if night time, i cant stay out late coz got lots of things to do. :( even if meet, also rushed.

Despite all these shittiness i feel, I still have to go on. I still got the same homework to finish, I still got the problems weighing down on me, I still got to pass the day, wake up reluctantly and climb back slowly onto the bed again at night.

How do people go on really. So many other people in the world have worse problems than I have, yet they can be so strong, so brave to keep pressing on. For whom do they live and persist? Loved ones most of the time, I suppose. what if they're alone?

Then most people will advise, Live for Yourself.

who is yourself? Why push so hard for the hope for a better tomorrow? when perhaps that may never come, the situation may not allow u. EVER. then everyone will say.. at least u tried.

will i want to die trying to be happy? or happy to be just dead. then i wun be happy no more. no feelings. no concepts. no inkling of anything and everything.

Peace is probably the best thing to achieve in this life then. Not happiness. Peace within oneself, peace between u and others. just being self-satisfied and having just enough.

But mere peace is never considered to be enough. Attaining just enough, is also never a peaceful process.

What contradiction life is.. really.