Why do I hate reading newspapers even though I will feel so much more informed and a step closer to understanding issues that are so pertinent to me living my everyday life?

Simple.

They are just so depressing.

Every day, newspapers just spring up bolded headlines which shout **** DEAD/ *** Tensions Rise/ *** Global warming/ Accident/Murder/etc. Whatever conflicting issue you can think of. It's there. That's what newsworthy probably meant to everyone, an established consensus in our society.

Really sad. Personally I am already so depressed with my own matters, and you want to get me down-ridden with depressing world matters? Terrific, really. I can't think of a better life to lead and survive in.

Sometimes I feel so lost, so aimless.

5 modules to do this semester= 5 BIG projects, 5 BIG presentations, 4 Leading Discussions (aka presentations), 4 Smaller assignments and of course attending every class and participating every single day from Monday till Friday. GREAT. What a semester to go through before I can even graduate.

Talking about GRADUATION, another morass of emotions just hits me. My resume totally sucks, of which reminds me I have nothing to add to it since like... forever? Job Hunting and applying for Sporean citizenship probably will start in March for me. What do I like? What industry am I interested in? I kinda know what stuff I like to do. But I have such limited work experience, do I really know what particular aspects I like?

Family. *snorts*. No comments. Don't even feel like talking about it.

...


Let's just say, everyone is living in denial, engaging in habitual activities and constantly being enveloped with tension. I've been feeding A with devilish suggestions, but A just KEEPS hanging on. Love.. seriously.. is it sometimes better to cling onto it or just give up and move on thereafter? I believe in the latter if it makes everyone happy. My heart just wrenches for A. In the worst situation, I have already made my choice. I will be there for you forever till the day u die. Despite all the crap you may give me, I love you so much, so very much. Precious and irreplaceable. I will care for you and try my best to accommodate you. I will never abandon you behind and will share my stuff with you, no matter how rich/poor I am in future. You're the reason why I exist. .. .. .. sigh. But what am I doing now exactly. By not solving the issue, I am not only carving deeper scars in my heart, but causing you pain. By solving it, the pain will worsen and God knows what might happen. I'm so terrified. Is this really the way to live my life? What about the peace and happiness that I should have access to? What about the sense of fulfillment that I should attain in my life?

Baby, you're the biggest light in my life. You're my anchor, my motivation to push on. The future you've envisioned for us sounds so promising, and so tempting. Right now, I still harbour hesitation and doubt as to how that future can sustain to really lead to that happily ever after. With all those going on in my life right now, its really laughable and scary.

Promises never last, and neither do love. 5 years passing and 5 more to go, I can't say for sure what will happen. But despite all, you still cling onto my hand so tightly, And I can't help but be selfish and cling onto you as well. You're always by my side, which I am so thankful for. *hugs* let's strive together and make it through.. all these obstacles we're facing in our lives.

Year 2010 is a great year of change and upheaval for me. Being a person who's not a fan of change, it can prove to be quite a challenge. Be brave Elaine. Let's get going.