sigh. Great. the bomb totally dropped.

My mum after SOO long finally understood what situation my study is in now. Now she is raving mad.

I sometimes dun really understand her. ALl she thinks about and is concerned with is.. U GOT HONOURS OR NOT. SO.. CAN YOU GET HONOURS? thats it. The process, the thoughts that goes into it or the environment means peanuts to her.

her mindset is, If others CAN, why can't you? If you can't do AS WELL, you're a fucking failure.

Take cherryn for example. JUST COZ I casually mentioned the other day that she is going for student exchange. SHe started clucking her tongue and saying I'm like fucking lousy, useless, never study hard enough, stupid as compared to my best friend and started bringing out examples of her colleague's delightful children who are currently overseas studying adn how they can travel.

I hate the fact that she does comaparing yet vehemently denies it. I hate it that she can't break out of that straitlaced mindset and just say like jiayou or something. WHy can't she just simply support me and accept me for who I am? WHy can't she just let go?

I am not a supermodel nor am I a fucking clever brainy professor. The expectations are boring down on me.

And YES. I got into the 6 mth internship with Burson Marsteller. I was quite happy when I heard the news within and happily told them. I asked my parents whether they were ok with it coz it would mean delaying my graduation.

1st thing asked by her: "So CANNOT GET HONOURS AH???!!!"

like wtf.


FUCKK ALL THIS! I am so ffreaking tired of it. FUCK THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD. I may sound damn childish and pissed and just trying to write off my feelings with vulgarity. But I AM SIMPLY PISSIFIED and damn fed up. I have enough of this.


I AM ME. U ARE YOUr fucking self. STOP FUCKING stay IN MY FACE. THIS IS MY LIFE. I WANNA be someone else. and I am going to prove to you that results wun make much of a difference. I MAKE MY OWN DIFFERENCE.

How can u make it so difficult to love u at times. It disgusts me.

Elaine out. Congrats to myself. You did a good job at the interview. *hugs*